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Patriarchal society’s approach to correcting the gender power balance is wrong-headed
One of the big myths of the women’s lib movement is that women have everything to gain from greater gender equality and men everything to lose. Both sexes have bought this argument lock, stock and barrel without stopping to think. Given widespread acceptance that women have been discriminated against, this is not surprising.
But it’s not the whole story. While there is no doubt formal power will have to be more equally shared, the real truth lies somewhere in-between: men have much to gain from a more equal society and women have something to lose from it.
The stereotyping of gender roles has taken a huge toll of men — and they don’t even know it. Men invest so much of their energies trying to achieve career and public success that they have completely failed to savour their softer sides, their relationships, their children — everything. Little wonder they are more prone to heart-attacks and more likely to die violent deaths than the other sex.
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By Karl Staib
“Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious.” – Thomas Edison
Your subconscious loves to do work while your body performs other tasks that are easy. I can prove this very easily by asking you how many good ideas you have had while driving or in the shower. When you are relaxed yet slightly distracted, your mind is often at its best.
Using subconscious requests will…
- Improve your motivation.
- Help you become happier.
- Increase your emotional intelligence.
You’ll see improvement in less than a month.
My last request was…
“Please give me more patience when commuting to work and allow me to even enjoy my time in the car.”
Within a month I was enjoying my ride to work.
My latest request is…
“Let’s find creative ways to grow my blog.”
I took this approach because it’s going to take a request to my subconscious and action in my waking life to make this happen. This request is only a few days old, but it’s already working. Instead of just asking people to help vote for my blog on social sites that rate articles such as Stumble Upon and Digg, I’ve change my communication. I now friend someone, give a compliment (only if they are worthy) and tell them that they ever need any help to shoot me a message. They are much more willing to help me out.
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Late afternoon on Tuesday, I was at home to grab a quick bite between the day’s back-to-back assignments when I received a frantic call from my boss alerting me about a fire at Carlton Towers on Old Airport Road. Food half-eaten, I grabbed my camera and rushed out. Since I was close to the ill-fated building, I chose to leave my two-wheeler behind and ran instead. It was a wise decision considering the massive traffic jam and the number of ambulances and fire engines lined up to get near the building.
The sky above bore a dark shade of grey. As I went closer, I saw a large number of people standing around the building watching the drama unfold. My first instinct was to get as close to the building as possible to get good shots of the fire. Dense smoke was gushing out of the top floors of the seven-storey building and the flames only got thicker. I noticed people at the win dows of the topmost floors. I looked around quickly for a place fr om where I could get the best photographs. Within seconds, I was running up the MG Road wing of the Domlur flyover.
From there, I saw the firemen on the ground holding up a mattress on top of which was a small heap of towels, bedspreads and cloth. My worst fears were coming true when the people holding up the mattress shouted out to those at the window to jump.
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- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
- Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
- We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
- Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
- If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
- Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
- If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
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loading... Nobody promised that being a parent would be easy nor were we assured that we’d get kids that were easy to handle. If you’re like most of us, you face regular challenges to your authority, your rules, and the way you expect your kids to behave. As with much in life, there’s room for compromise, but with parenting I suggest that sticking with your rules defines your values and teaches your children valuable lessons. The first rule must be that you tell the truth.
It’s a simple idea to tell the truth, but not always so simple to execute in real-life family situations. For instance, what do your kids really hear when you say something like, “If you do this fill-in-the-blank thing, you’re gonna be grounded” with stern parental authority. Most kids will interpret that to mean, “Well, I sure hope you won’t do that, but I’ll forgive you when you do because I love you so much and want to be your best friend.” The result? You haven’t told the truth or stood by your word. The kids then know they can manipulate you.
The impact of vacillating on our children is drastic and very harmful. I cannot emphasize enough how much we are role models for our children and how much they learn from our behavior. Our kids watch every move we make and if we waffle on a rule or a threat, then they learn to work that to their benefit. I’ll offer a personal example that has been hard on our family.
My older son turned 16 in November and he still hasn’t been allowed to get his driver’s permit, let alone his license. At 15½ he was legally allowed to get his permit, but the reason he hasn’t is that when he was about 14, I set a rule that he had to have a “B” average for the privilege of driving. No excuses, no blaming his teachers, no “I’m so close” – he had to bring home a “B” average.
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loading... By पूनम पांडे
महिला अधिकारों की जब बात उठती है तो महिलाएं क्या मांगती हैं? जाहिर है बराबरी का अधिकार। लेकिन अगर बराबरी की मांग करते-करते कोई खुद शोषणकारी की तरह बर्ताव करने लगे तो…. कम से कम कुछ मामलों में तो यही हो रहा है। इसमें कोई दो राय नहीं है कि अभी भी कई जगह खासकर गांवों में महिलाओं की स्थिति बहुत दयनीय है और उन्हें उनके अधिकार दिलाने के लिए जितना भी किया जाए वह कम है लेकिन ऐसी महिलाओं की संख्या भी बढ़ रही है जो अपने हक के लिए मिले कानून का दुरूपयोग कर रही हैं। और कानून भी इसमें मूकदर्शक बने रहने के अलावा कुछ नहीं कर पा रहा है।
मेरा एक मित्र है जिसने कुछ दिनों पत्रकारिता की और अब लॉ करने के बाद एक सीनियर क्रिमिनल लॉयर के साथ ट्रेनिंग ले रहा है। कुछ ही दिन पहले वह मिला और इतना व्यथित था कि पूछिए मत। वजह पूछने पर बताया कि यार गलत काम मैं कर नहीं सकता और न करूं तो वकालत करने का सपना छोड़ना पड़ेगा। और मेरे पैरंट्स मुझे समझने की बजाय मुझे प्रैक्टिकल बनने की सलाह दे रहे हैं। हुआ यूं कि कुछ दिन पहले उसके सीनियर के पास एक महिला आई। पढ़ी लिखी और मॉडर्न। उसने अपने 2 साल पुराने पति और उसके पैरंट्स के खिलाफ घरेलू हिंसा कानून के तहत केस दर्ज कराया था। वह वकील से कहने लगी कि मैं अपने पति और उसके पूरे परिवार को जेल में देखना चाहती हूं चाहे इसके लिए कुछ भी करना पड़े। आप चाहें तो सबूत क्रिएट करने के लिए मैं अपने शरीर पर सिगरेट से दागने के निशान बना सकती हूं। इतना बताया ही था कि मेरा वह दोस्त बुरी तरह बरस पड़ा। उसने बताया कि एक हफ्ते से वह सीनियर लॉयर के पास नहीं गया है क्योंकि जब उसने उनसे कहा कि सर ये तो गलत है तो उन्होंने उसे ही लेक्चर दे डाला।
एक वाकया और याद आ रहा है जब मैं कॉलेज में स्टूडेंट यूनियन में थी। एक 22 साल के लड़के को रेप के आरोप में गिरफ्तार किया गया। कुछ सीनियर पुलिस अधिकारियों ने बताया कि दरअसल मामला कुछ और ही है। वह लड़का एक कॉल गर्ल के पास गया और बाद में पैसों को लेकर कुछ बहस हुई और 40 रुपये को लेकर उसने लड़के पर रेप का केस कर दिया। मेडिकल टेस्ट में भी उसकी पुष्टि हो गई। पुलिस वाले हकीकत जानते हुए भी कुछ नहीं कर सके और उस लड़के को सजा हो गई।
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loading... One of the many things that we try to teach our children is how to make a good decision. Sometimes the problem can be that we may not always make good decisions ourselves or we may allow emotions to influence our choices. I found this to be true in a recent argument I had with my older son and a latter discussion about an important choice he wanted to make.
The argument was about his last-minute decision to back out of his promise to come skiing with me over Winter Break, preferring instead to stay home with his friends (and girlfriend). I got angry as he made this decision days before we were supposed to leave, thus leaving me high and dry with little time to find a friend to come in his place. My wife and other son were already scheduled to go on a very special trip to Japan and Hong Kong.
So, like the mature parent I always am, I pouted like a child, I yelled, and otherwise berated him. The truth was he never really wanted to go, as he’s just not that into skiing (or snowboarding, in his case), but he was afraid to tell me that truth. Once I got over my initial hurt over being spurned in favor of his friends and girlfriend (he’s 16, Dad – who do you think he prefers to hang out with?), we talked about a better way to have handled the situation.
The upshot is that he knows that he shouldn’t wait until the last minute because of fear of disappointing me (or anyone), fear of my reaction, and he should “man up” and tell the truth vs. procrastinating. I needed to “hear” him better when he was hesitant to go and not railroad him to the decision I wanted.
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loading... I cannot remember more than a couple of women, and I have polled dozens, who did not choose power as the thing they were drawn to most
By: Aakar Patel
I have a game I have been trying out at parties for a decade. I ask women to give it a thought, and then choose the order in which they would be attracted to the following types of men as their partner:
- Good-looking
- Powerful
- Stable.
No other quality in these three men is defined, and they are what those words mean. Almost invariably, women choose the powerful man as the one they are most attracted to. This is followed by the stable man and last, the good-looking one. I cannot remember more than a couple of women, and I have polled dozens, who did not choose power as the thing they were drawn to most.
I ask men to choose from the following:
- Beautiful
- Rich
- Homely
Men always choose beautiful first; most pick homely second and rich last.
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loading... The subcontinent’s media have strange standards when it comes to murder.
IN 2007, according to India’s National Crime Records Bureau, 32,318 people were murdered in India. Another 3644 were victims of ”culpable homicide”, roughly equating to manslaughter. In a category of its own, 8093 brides or their relatives were killed in ”dowry deaths” – murdered by greedy grooms and in-laws angry over the amount of dowry paid by the bride’s family. And there were a further 27,401 attempted murders.
By contrast, in 2007, the Australian Bureau of Statistics reports, 255 people were murdered in Australia. Another 28 were victims of manslaughter, and 246 survived attempted murders. No dowry deaths were recorded.
India, of course, is a very big country. But the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime estimates that relative to population, its homicide rate is more than twice that of Australia. It is a country in which violent crime is commonplace – so commonplace that every day more than 100 Indians are murdered by other Indians, yet their TV news channels treat this as humdrum unless it involves some celebrity or unusual features.
Yet when an Indian is murdered overseas, these news channels whip themselves and their viewers into a froth of indignation at the country concerned. How can this happen?, they thunder. How can any civilised nation fail to protect its residents? What kind of racist country is this?
How does this happen? Well, it happens because human beings are imperfect creatures. They can be selfish, they can be hateful, they can enjoy hurting, even killing, other humans. It happens here, it happens in India, it happens everywhere.
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loading... By David Pisarra
Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons. Sometimes they come easily, like when you were a kid and your mom caught you stealing a candy bar and made you take it back to the grocery store and admit your wrongs. That was a long car ride. But it was a lesson that I’ve never forgotten.
Other times the lessons are harder to come by.
I have a friend who for the past 10 years has dated the same girl. Sometimes she has red hair, sometimes she’s brunette. Sometimes she’s a model, other times she’s a makeup artist. One time she was a dancer. The women all looked different, or they had different jobs, but they were always the same girl on the inside. There have been probably five women that he was sure he was going to marry. “This is the one,” he’d say with enthusiasm and excitement. I’d sit back and just wait. You don’t want to burst that bubble of joy that people have when they say they are in love, but you can see that it’s a train wreck waiting to happen.
The hard part of seeing your friends make these decisions is not being able to speak up. It’s a hard call. They invariably ask, “What do you think of her?” Do you tell him that you think she’s just like all the others, and that he’s going to end up in court with a restraining order against her, and he’ll be paying the rent on the house they rented together even though she’ll have kicked him out? No. You can’t do that.
You smile, you say, “She’s great! I love her laugh.” It’s that non-obligatory positive comment we make to reassure our friends that they need, because deep down, somewhere in the bottom of their soul, they know it will not work out, but they are hoping it will anyway, and are looking to us for support. For me, it’s a difficult place to be. I want to be honest with my friends, but when that question comes, I feel like Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men.” My heart is screaming, “You can’t handle the truth,” so my lips say some true but innocuous statement like, “I think she’s really beautiful.” But I’m just waiting for the phone call that will eventually come: “Dude, I don’t know what happened. Can I sleep on your couch?”
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March 4th, 2010 | 
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