Living life by Archie's law

Women marry for money all the time, so what’s wrong with a man doing so?

The shock announcement that young Archie Andrews has finally proposed to foxy Veronica rather than cute as a button Betty has set off a furious debate. Love or money is the topic at hand, being discussed with vigour at water coolers and in the blogosphere. The blogosphere, for those who do not know about it, is where all the real people live.

What you and I, sad citizens of the old world, think is the “real world” is but a figment of our imaginations, a three-dimensional projection of our dreams and fantasies. The truth, as they say, is out there, which means in the blogs. All the great issues of our times are discussed and settled in the blogs. Had Socrates lived in these times, he would have been asking questions only in blogs and had Descartes shown any sense, he would have said, “I blog, therefore I am.”

Things move swiftly in the blogosphere. Its denizens, impatient with the needless perorations of the mainstream media (MSM), don’t waste time on a subject. The thrust and parry is brief and sharp and the matter is done and dusted. This way the bloggers can deal with many subjects at the same time — should Rahul Gandhi become the prime minister deserves as much mindspace as other equally significant questions, such as “is the Star Trek film as good as its predecessors?”

Don’t scoff, ye oldies! It shows not only multi-tasking (writing a blog while simultaneously eating a sandwich, listening to Coldplay and chatting online with a friend in the next cubicle (while updating one’s Facebook status) but also multi-thinking skills. It is not easy to grapple with two subjects as unrelated as these and have considered views on both (sample — don’t be a moron, no one can replace the original Dr Spock.)

As a confirmed dinosaur from the Jurassic era of print and typewriters I have tried to obtain citizenship to the blog universe but have largely failed. But I have a temporary visa and occasionally do go down to check out the scene. I also have a young friend, let’s call her K who kindly, as if helping a senior citizen cross the road in heavy traffic, takes me sometimes on a tour and points out interesting things along the way. It soon became clear that the cool bloggers were hammering away at their computer keys about something truly important, almost metaphysical in its cosmic implications.

It soon became apparent what it was–Archie’s misguided and rash step (even though it has taken him nearly seven decades) had got those keyboards rattling with outrage and disgust (Archie is a sap, how could he, she’ll ditch him.)

Now, as everyone knows, Archie the carrot-topped high school kid has long been in love with the rich Veronica, even as Betty, the sweet blonde has pined for Archie. These are the facts as we know them, Watson and the whole world has seen, for 68 years, this strange ménage à trois flirt with each other without any resolution or closure. Some day Archie had to make up his mind and the romantics in the world had always hoped he would plump for Betty, the girl who would keep him happy, darn his socks, cook for him, hold down a job and raise their two lovely kids in the suburban house with white picket fences in Riverdale.

Marrying Betty instead of the cold-hearted vixen Ronnie – a hottie for sure, but manipulative to the core – would ensure that our moral equilibrium would not be disturbed and the girls next door would triumph over this mad infatuation. After all, Veronica is hardly the type of girl to bring home to mother and poor Archie, who is definitely heading for a career as a bank manager or insurance agent, will not be able to maintain her lavish lifestyle. He would have to become a ghar-jamai and that is simply not done.

But now Archie has gone and done exactly what he shouldn’t have. And bloggers are upset. You got to read some of the comments to know how outraged the bloggers are. For several of them, Archie has married for money, not love and this makes him a cad (old fashioned word–look up the dictionary.) What kind of example does this set? What is the world coming to?

A few comments from this non-blogger, for whatever they are worth: Inasmuch as Archie is hardly a role model (and not a real person either), there is a contrarian view that is not being heard. To start with, he was always in love with Ronnie, so it follows he will propose to her. Secondly, it is possible to marry for both love and money; should he spurn his one true love because she is rich? There is a recession on and marrying Veronica could give Archie a jump start in Lodge enterprises and therefore in live. Betty is sweet and all, but within five years their marriage will be a humdrum, boring affair.

Women marry for money all the time; why can’t a man? This is bound to be a deeply unpopular view, but is more in tune with reality as it is rather than as it ought to be. To all those Archie fans, in the blogosphere and elsewhere, who are upset, disappointed and crushed at how far their hero has fallen, I can only say, c’est la vie. Better still — get a life.