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By David Pisarra
Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons. Sometimes they come easily, like when you were a kid and your mom caught you stealing a candy bar and made you take it back to the grocery store and admit your wrongs. That was a long car ride. But it was a lesson that I’ve never forgotten.
Other times the lessons are harder to come by.
I have a friend who for the past 10 years has dated the same girl. Sometimes she has red hair, sometimes she’s brunette. Sometimes she’s a model, other times she’s a makeup artist. One time she was a dancer. The women all looked different, or they had different jobs, but they were always the same girl on the inside. There have been probably five women that he was sure he was going to marry. “This is the one,” he’d say with enthusiasm and excitement. I’d sit back and just wait. You don’t want to burst that bubble of joy that people have when they say they are in love, but you can see that it’s a train wreck waiting to happen.
The hard part of seeing your friends make these decisions is not being able to speak up. It’s a hard call. They invariably ask, “What do you think of her?” Do you tell him that you think she’s just like all the others, and that he’s going to end up in court with a restraining order against her, and he’ll be paying the rent on the house they rented together even though she’ll have kicked him out? No. You can’t do that.
You smile, you say, “She’s great! I love her laugh.” It’s that non-obligatory positive comment we make to reassure our friends that they need, because deep down, somewhere in the bottom of their soul, they know it will not work out, but they are hoping it will anyway, and are looking to us for support. For me, it’s a difficult place to be. I want to be honest with my friends, but when that question comes, I feel like Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men.” My heart is screaming, “You can’t handle the truth,” so my lips say some true but innocuous statement like, “I think she’s really beautiful.” But I’m just waiting for the phone call that will eventually come: “Dude, I don’t know what happened. Can I sleep on your couch?”
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A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan
I hate New Year’s Resolutions. I swore I’d never write one. I misspoke. So, this is going to be a New Year’s Resolutions column, with a twist: it will include both resolutions and wishes. I am going to mix my own personal resolutions and wishes with those I project for others, and the world. In no particular order, herewith my New Year’s Resolutions and wishes:
* I hope for a New Year with true conciliation and dialogue between our political parties and, on a more personal level, between each of us that may differ on a particular political issue. It has gotten way too divisive and angry.
* My boys are not little kids anymore. I need to really listen to them and try and understand their concerns vs. interrupting them and lecturing them. While they’re not adults, they deserve more respect and treatment as their own individuals.
* With the recent happy ending result for David and Sean Goldman (a father an son separated by an abduction to Brazil and re-united on Christmas Eve, after five years), I wish for less acrimony between divorcing spouses and a little more care and concern for the children. All so-called Family Courts and the CPS (Child Protection Services) should actually care about is the children’s welfare. That is why I’ve called these courts, “Anti-Family Courts.” I also want to use my forum, through my columns, Facebook “fan” page (please join it at “A Dad’s Point-of-View” on Facebook), and web-site, to learn more myself and disseminate useful information on these issues.
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loading... Dirt Poster is a Design and Graphic-Design work made by Roland Reiner Tiangco, a new graduate of a Design School, living in New York. While handling the poster, your hands starts to get dirty, and this dirt allows you to see what’s the poster is all about. Check out also the artist’s Website.
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loading... इस पेज का नाम ‘जस्ट जिंदगी’ ही क्यों? इस सवाल से जूझते हुए हमें तमाम जवाब सूझे। जस्ट जिंदगी क्योंकि सब कुछ जिंदगी के लिए ही है। ऑफिस का कॉम्पिटिशन, सुबह की जॉगिंग, थिएटर में पॉपकॉर्न टटोलती उंगलियां या फिर सोने के पहले सोचने जैसा कुछ, यही सब मिलकर बनाता है जिंदगी को। हमें इस जिंदगी से तमाम शिकायतें हैं, मगर उन शिकायतों की पूंछ में लिपटी आती हैं तमाम उम्मीदें और उन्हें पूरा करने के लिए जोश।
हमारे मकसद में एक तपिश है, जो मुश्किलों के पहाड़ को धीरे-धीरे ही सही, पिघलाने का माद्दा रखती है, बशर्ते हम ठंडे न पड़ जाएं। इसलिए जिस कोने में कभी आपकी सेहत, तो कभी आपकी जेब को बचाए रखने और बेहतर करने के नुस्खे सुझाए जाते हैं, उस पर हमने इस बार जिंदगी की हरारत से जुडे़ कुछ ख्यालों को जगह दी है। वजह सिर्फ इतनी कि जिंदगी को बांहों में भींचने के लिए हमें भी तो कुछ करना होगा। तो नए साल से पहले जिंदगी को नई नजर से निहारने की कोशिश कर रहे हैं सौरभ द्विवेदी :
खिल-खिल-खिल कर हंस दें
एक ही स्कूल, कॉलेज और दफ्तर में तमाम ऐसी शक्लें हैं, तमाम ऐसी आवाजें हैं, जो कभी हमें पसंद थीं। फिर एक दोपहर या शाम किसी बहस ने जंबो साइज हासिल कर लिया और हमारी मुस्कानों के बीच में इगो का सोख्ता आ गया, जिसने रिश्तों की सारी नमी को सोख लिया। कोई दोस्त, कोई कलीग या फिर कोई रिश्तेदार, जिसके साथ आपने कभी न कभी कुछ अच्छा वक्त जरूर बिताया है, अब उससे बात करने का, उसे देखने का दिल भी नहीं करता। तो कोशिश करें कि अच्छी यादों को बुरी यादों के ऊपर जीत हासिल हो। हम यह नहीं कहते कि ऐसी हर गलतफहमी या मनमुटाव को खत्म कर धर्मात्मा बन जाएं, मगर हां चुप्पी के कुछ सन्नाटों को एक हंसी के कहकहे के साथ खत्म किया जा सकता है। क्या पता आपकी हंसी फिर से नमी पैदा कर दे? और हां इन सबसे दूर हंसी की डेली डोज भी जरूरी है। आपसे किसी ने कभी तो कहा होगा, वेन यू स्माइल, यू डू वेल। सो डू वेल इन लाइफ।
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loading...  We talk a lot about the availability bias here on Neuroworld, so I don’t think I have to tell you how much you overestimate the possibility of being on a plane brought down by terrorism. Still, it’s worth taking a look at this graphic, via Gawker and based on data put together by Nate Silver:
Now, look at that graph, and decide which is the better response to terror:
- Panic and yell and scream from the rooftops that we’re all about to be killed by Al Qaeda, or
- Handle terrorism as a law-enforcement and intelligence matter.
Sure, I’m tipping the scales with my own biases. But the data really speaks for itself.
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loading... By Dr. Tara J. Palmatier
I’ve been writing my own blog, A Shrink for Men, for almost a year now. In that time, I’ve noticed many double standards and gender inequities that seem to be culturally acceptable in relationships. Here are some of my observations for women to consider in terms of their own behavior and for men to consider in terms of their own enlightenment when it comes to women and relationships. [*Please note: The following points don't apply to all women.]
Hey ladies, and you know who you are:
1. You are not a princess. You do not deserve to be treated like royalty just by virtue of your sex. You deserve to be treated no better or worse than you treat others.
2. You are not any more “special” nor any more “entitled” than anyone else. You don’t deserve special privileges and nobody “owes” you anything by virtue of who you are or because of your gender.
3. You are just as “lucky” to have found your husband/boyfriend as he was to find you. Have you ever considered that there are times when you are lucky that he puts up with and tolerates you?
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loading... पूनम पाण्डे
नई दिल्ली।। बॉय्ज क्या आपने शेव किया है , अगर नहीं तो हो सकता है कि आपको आलसी का खिताब मिल जाए। कम से कम वे महिलाएं ऐसा कर सकती हैं जो बॉलिवुड ऐक्ट्रेस मुग्धा गोडसे , नेहा धूपिया और मिनिषा लांबा की अपील मान रही हैं। सेफ्टी रेजर के मल्टी नैशनल ब्रैंड जिलेट के नए विज्ञापन में ये हसीनाएं अपील कर रही हैं कि पुरुषों को शेव करने के लिए प्रोत्साहित करें और जो रोज शेव नहीं करता वह आलसी है।
यह विज्ञापन कई कुछ पुरुषों को खटक गया है और उन्होंने बाकायदा जंग छेड़ दी है। ऑल इंडिया मैन्स वेलफेयर असोसिएशन नाम के एक संगठन ने इस विज्ञापन को ऐंटि मेल कैंपेन बताया है और इसके खिलाफ मुहिम शुरू की है , इंडिया में ही नहीं बल्कि अमेरिका में भी। उन्होंने कंपनी से माफी मांगने की मांग की है और कहा है कि 4-5 दिनों में सही रिस्पॉन्स नहीं मिला तो सूचना प्रसारण मंत्रालय सहित सभी फोरम पर शिकायत की जाएगी।
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दिव्यदृष्टि
हे सुंदरियो झाड़ दो विज्ञापन की गर्द
मानव दाढ़ी, मूंछ से कहलाता है मर्द
कहलाता है मर्द यही मशहूर कहावत
देता उन्हें समाज मानमय मीठी दावत
उन्हें भूलसे दिव्यदृष्टि बोलो मत लेजी
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7 नवंबर को यह विज्ञापन ‘ विमिन अगेंस्ट लेजी स्टबल ‘ नाम से लांच किया गया। विज्ञापन के मुताबिक पुरुष केवल इसलिए दाढ़ी नहीं बनाते क्योंकि वे आलसी हैं। विज्ञापन यह दिखाता है कि महिलाओं ने शेव न करने वाले अपने आलसी पतियों के खिलाफ जंग छेड़ दी है। ऑल इंडिया मेन्स वेलफेयर असोसिएशन ने इसके खिलाफ ईमेल और ब्लॉग के जरिए मुहिम छेड़ी हुई है। अमेरिका में भी असोसिएशन के सदस्यों ने कैंपेन शुरू किया है कि कंपनी इंडिया में लिंग भेद अभियान चला रही है।
असोसिएशन के फाउंडर मेंबर विराग धूलिया ने बताया कि अमेरिका में कंपनी के प्रेजिडेंट ने फोन पर इस विज्ञापन के लिए खेद जताया और कहा कि 14 दिसंबर तक यह विज्ञापन रोक देंगे , लेकिन विज्ञापन अभी भी जारी है। धूलिया कहते हैं कि सिर्फ दाढ़ी बनाने या न बनाने के आधार पर किसी को आलसी घोषित नहीं किया जा सकता। दाढ़ी रखना या क्लीन शेव होना किसी भी पुरुष की अपनी पसंद है। मजे की बात यह कि इस मुहिम को एक महिला संगठन का सपोर्ट भी मिल रहा है। इसका नाम है – ऑल इंडिया फॉरगोटन विमिन्स असोसिएशन।
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loading... Mayura Janwalkar / DNA
Mumbai: Clad in a blue T-shirt and jeans, away from the stuffy environs of the higher judiciary, former Bombay high court justice Bilal Nazki is hard to recognise. The man, seen as stern by some and sensitive by others, decided over 60,000 cases in 15 years on the bench.
Looking back on 36 years of service to the legal profession, Nazki, who is from Srinagar and was a judge of the Bombay high court from January 2008 till November 12 this year, said there are two kinds of judgments. “One may be great for legal and academic purposes,” he said. “There is another which may not lay down any theory but will wipe the tears of an aggrieved person.”
Nazki said he “purposely” concentrated on the latter. “When a litigant comes to court, he is not interested in how scholarly a judge is,” he said. “He just wants relief. Two industrialist brothers fighting with each other can wait. But parents whose child has been killed or lost cannot.” Drawing a quaint parallel, he said, “The honesty of a judge is like the virginity of a traditional Indian unmarried girl. If it is questioned, the doubt can never be laid to rest.” When a litigant loses a case, he said, he should feel that the judge decided against him because he did not understand his side, not because he was dishonest. Nazki pointed out that no law requires judges to declare their assets, “but they are doing it voluntarily”.
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loading... Nobody lives in this world alone. We live in a society with all sorts of knowledge, experience and notions that the world provides us. Almost all the source of our inferences about the world are outcomes of various experiences that the world itself provides us. Suppose you’re a good person, and you know that. Now if someone tells me that you’re an evil, and I derive an inference out of it that you’re an evil, how reliable do you think my inference would be? You’d say biased! Now if 10 more people who most probably don’t know you, also tell me that you’re an evil, and then in spite of knowing the fact that they don’t know you, I still derive the same inference, then what’d you say about my inference? Still Biased, isn’t it? Because you know that you’re a good person, no matter what triggers my negative inference about you, you’d always portray it as biased, wrong, baseless, preposterous.
Lets extrapolate the same to a larger society. The mouth of the society at large is supposed to be the news media. We see, read and hear many opinions about a lot of people from the media. But how many of those people reported about, do the media people really ‘know’ personally? How many of those opinions are from really knowing a person? I can safely say, a tiny minority if them all. But still, we all make out so many inferences about those people reported in the media! Why is it that the above exercise about yourself, fails to hold water when it comes to others? Why is it that we never hesitate before making any opinions about others based on completely vague and biased media reports alone?
One of such opinions I can bring forth is about the family relations, like husband, wife and in-laws of both sides. Since time immemorial, we’ve been seeing, reading and hearing about numerous instances of husbands being wife-beaters, mother-in-laws being daughter-in-law-igniters, or even daughter-in-laws being mother-in-law-haters. Based on all those media reports, we’ve also made up so many inferences in our minds. Some instances of such inferences being; all men are wife-beaters, all mother-in-laws are evils, all daughter-in-laws are hard-wired to hate their mother-in-laws, etc.
How many of those media people knew about the reality in those families that they reported about? Taking the arguments in the above two paras, what do you think of the above inferences? Aren’t they biased, baseless, preposterous?
But, alas, the human psychology is designed such that we all start living in the inferences we draw out of our own minds. And we also think that those inferences are the reality. How wrong are we! How different is the reality than our inferences! Even the policy makers, governments are made out of people amongst us, and they’re victims of this same inference-as-reality syndrome. Being sick of the same disease, they make policies, laws, etc. to make their inferences alright. However, as the reality is the reality, way apart from those inferences, all those policies, laws etc. takes a toll on the real people. And then the real people are bound to cry hoarse, that the policies, laws etc. are ‘misused’. How do you think they can be ‘used’? They’re not even created to be used for the realities! Any laws, policies, made to cater to the inferences, are bound to be a ‘misuse’ when applied to the reality.
As human beings, the so-called intelligent animals, are we ready to come out of our inferences and see the reality before even trying to set the world right?
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January 5th, 2010 | 
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