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Bruised and battered husbands have been complaining for years and now the biggest research project of its kind has proved them right. When it comes to domestic confrontation, women are more violent than men.
Bruised and battered husbands have been complaining for years and now the biggest research project of its kind has proved them right. When it comes to domestic confrontation, women are more violent than men.
The study, which challenges the long-standing view that women are overwhelmingly the victims of aggression, is based on an analysis of 34,000 men and women by a British academic. Women lash out more frequently than their husbands or boyfriends, concludes John Archer, professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire and president of the International Society for Research on Aggression.
Male violence remains a more serious phenomenon: men proved more likely than women to injure their partners. Female aggression tends to involve pushing, slapping and hurling objects. Yet men made up nearly 40 per cent of the victims in the cases that he studied – a figure much higher than previously reported.
Professor Archer analysed data from 82 US and UK studies on relationship violence, dating back to 1972. He also looked at 17 studies based on victim reports from 1,140 men and women. Speaking last night, he said that female aggression was greater in westernised women because they were “economically emancipated” and therefore not afraid of ending a relationship.
“Feminist writers say most of the acts against men are not important but the same people have used the same surveys to inflate the number of women who are attacked,” he said. “In the past it would not even have been considered that women are violent. My view is that you must base social policy on the whole evidence.”
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BINDU TOBBY
To change the way you look, just change the way you look at yourself. Acceptance is best
The blubber obsession is around you everywhere — with tales of inches swallowed, milligrams lost, tummies tucked and thighs sucked. While some of us have swallowed the weight loss pill, the rest of us couldn’t care more than to shift a little on our couches just to get closer to the pack of potato chips. And chips that go well with reality TV shows where women (yes, some were too well endowed to be adorned in such few strands) strutted in skimpy bikinis, vying with waif-like models to be part of a calendar, while judges scrutinised every bulge in their body.
We all know that the obsession around adipose tissue by others oftentimes makes the ‘healthy’ (not ‘fat’, mind you) ones among us ‘heavily’ victimised. While the need to lead a healthy lifestyle is a given, is the mass hysteria about discovering that lithe body beneath those layers warranted? Why are the ‘big’ ones among us always the butt of jokes at all social gathering where someone somewhere inevitably brings up the topic about how skinny you were as a child and what childbirth or marriage did to you? Why is it that you need to pretend to ignore those sniggers from sales folks when you fumble around the ‘waist-size-36′ shelf? (Which are, un-surprisingly always the lowest and most inaccessible shelf, considering the tummy does come in the way when you bend?)
So most of us victims have writhed while trying to squeeze into an old pair of trousers but willingly wage that lifelong battle with the bulge: waking up to lime, honey and warm water or sleeping on empty stomachs with not too much avail (there’s something called higher metabolic rate; I call it luck or heredity for the rest).
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loading... Would you send your husband to boot camp? Install a stripper pole in your bedroom? As these five couples discovered, when love is on the skids, sometimes you have to take a big risk to get it back on track.
By Colleen Oakley
Every marriage has its ups and downs, but when you hit a really rough spot, where do you turn? Sure, there’s couples counseling, but not every couple (and definitely, let’s face it, not every guy) takes to it. In fact, just as every relationship is different, so is the recipe for fixing it.
When you’ve got a good thing going — even if your relationship isn’t as solid right now as you know it can be — it’s worth taking some risks to hold on to it. And for people ready to try anything, there are some awfully imaginative ideas out there. Here, what five real-life couples did to get back on the road to happily ever after.
“We lived apart for nine months.”
Christine Miller, 33, and Jimmy Miller, 34; married 7 years;
Wesley Chapel, FL
Christine: Six years into our marriage, I realized Jimmy wasn’t on board with the reality of our life — we had a 4-year-old daughter and responsibilities, and he was still acting like we were in our carefree 20s. His whole Peter Pan, playful attitude was partly why I fell in love with him, but now it was breaking my heart. I was a broken record asking him not to party so much, and Jimmy wouldn’t participate in counseling. I felt like I’d tried everything. Finally, I told him I wanted a divorce. He went into panic mode, promising he would do anything to get me back. But I really thought it was too late.
Jimmy moved in with a friend and eventually got his own apartment.
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loading... By Pelle Billing
- Women want full independence — Women want male protection when things get rough or dangerous
- Men and women can vote — The draft and compulsory military service are male only
- Men are expected to work in jobs that they do not care for to support their families – Men are lazy for not doing half of the housework
- When boys perform badly in school there is a “crisis in masculinity” — When girls or women perform badly they are being discriminated against
- Women “get rid of jerks” — Men “cannot commit”
- Male circumcision is a proud tradition — Female circumcision is abhorred, even the kinds that are milder than male circumcision
- Commenting on a woman’s cleavage is sexual harassment — A woman who purposely flaunts her cleavage at work is not sexually harassing anyone
- All good men pay for the date — All good men support gender neutral pay
- Men’s financial power must be controlled — Women’s sexual power must be liberated
- Fathers should take care of their children — Children aren’t DNA tested to establish paternity
- Men prey on women — Women exercise their sexual freedom
- The overarching inconsistency: Men are responsible for their actions and failures — Women are victims of circumstances or societal structures
Pelle Billing is an M.D. who writes and lectures about men’s issues and gender liberation beyond feminism.
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loading... A Dad’s Point-of-View, by Bruce Sallan
We just went through the swine flu with our older son, Will. We didn’t panic or allow the hysteria of the msm (mainstream media) to scare us. His first reaction was simply, “Darn, I’m going to miss Halloween.” I believe our media have become hysteria mongers, as well as all too often focusing on their agenda vs. objective reporting. They devote way too much time to subjects unworthy of so much coverage, such as the balloon boy or the tragic deaths of celebrities.
With the swine flu, we’ve been deluged with scare reports from the media, ignoring the fact that each year tens of thousands of Americans die of the regular flu. As with AIDS, the panic is over-wrought and generalized to scare everyone when the reality is there are more at-risk groups for just about every such illness.
I kept a daily journal of our experience, which follows. I hope it’s helpful to all parents and people in giving a more realistic view of this strain of flu. I still caution everyone to be careful, see their doctors, and otherwise be smart about washing hands, but hope you will have a better perspective of this than the media has foolishly scared us to think.
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loading... Being counsellors in an NGO like SIFF, we come across so many different types of men facing harassment in the hands of either their wives, in-laws, police, judiciary or all of them. Some face harassment after the court cases are filed against them, while a much larger number of men start facing the harassment much before any cases are filed against them. I’m not really going to talk about many different types of harassment they face, rather want to focus on just one of those multi facets; harassment of the men who’re also Fathers.
A lot of fathers, young and not-so-young alike, narrate their sad stories of moderate to extreme domestic violence in the hands of their wives for years altogether. They say they’ve been beaten, bitten, cut, burned or slapped repeatedly by the mother of their kid(s) since many years. Those mothers would also not spare the kid(s); in the fit of rage, beat, bite, cut burn or slap the children as well, and even the husband in front the children. However, as very typical in the so-called male-dominated society, the man is not to be heard by anyone outside the house. No neighbours would listen and understand his problems; no elders would empathise and even try to relieve his pain; his no police would file his complaint; no judge would admit his petition. And finally when they happen to find an organization fighting for men’s rights, like SIFF, they’d feel a ray of hope that someone would atleast listen to their side of the story.
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loading... I want a husband to approach me like Salman, speak like Aamir, and kiss me like Shah Rukh, you told us. As millions sat transfixed by your swayamvara you sifted through sixteen thousand men around the world and finally from four wannabe husbands in your quest for non-filmy love. Now as you stand on the threshold of married life, I want to congratulate you Rakhi but as a clinical psychologist, who has been interviewing Indian couples (both in India and abroad) for over a decade, let me also caution you.
Yes, marriage is about love, but let’s not forgets the hard facts. Statistically, even though modern Indian couples continue to live together, only 30% of them have a chance of being in working marriages.
I know you may not quite see it that way. Love had you flummoxed yet it’s all you wanted. Do you love me? You urged, beseeched, and challenged all your suitors. The slippery Manmohan evaded your question with, ‘What do you think?’ You wanted them to say I love you but also did not want them to lie. When Chittiz admitted he wasn’t in love with you, you were adamant he change his feelings if he had to succeed!
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loading... Reading the article “Good or Bad, Hard to Say!” suddenly struck a chord with me regarding the deteriorating status quo of the institution of marriage in India and its fatal repercussions on men. Marriage, at least in India, has always been projected as “Tumultuous for women and blissful for men”. However, perceptions are seldom reality.
This has led to a social meme that when a marriage breaks, it does not affect the man and thus men are offered no protection from failed marriages the way women are offered. However, what a man goes through in a bad marriage can be understood either by the victim himself or men’s rights activists who understand a man’s pain.
Most men in broken marriages sulk in silence; feign a plastic smile to tell everyone, “I am fine.” While many unfortunate ones commit suicide as elucidated from the below 2 articles,
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December 2nd, 2009 | 
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